I have for the most part got used to not having Tommy around but what I can't seem to get used to is him proving to be irreplaceable. It just breaks my heart to know that I will never have anything like it again. That is what I was reminded of today.
It was during lunch, there was us plus my family and a friend of Vicki's, we had just finished the main course and everyone started pulling Christmas crackers when Vicki announced that she was wearing a 'Next' hat. Next being a department store that we have here and is where the crackers were bought. For a split second after she said it I thought she said she was wearing a neck hat and this straight away reminded me of when Tommy was around I would share my cracker with him. He wasn't very good at pulling it but he would hold it in his mouth and I would help him pull it and then when it was split open we would share the contents, he having the paper hat and me the little gift. Because the paper hat wouldn't fit his head I would slip it over his head and he would wear it as a paper collar, I can see him now as pleased as punch that he was able to join in the fun. This year and for no other year as long as I live there was and will never be a Tommy and this brought such a lump to my throat that I couldn't speak and my eyes filled with tears until they were almost running over. So as not to make a complete fool of myself in front of everyone I rushed my Christmas pudding and cleared off out of the way until I could regain some composure. I couldn't enjoy the rest of the day as I was on the brink the whole time.
My sister noticed there was something wrong and on inquiring all I could say by way of an explanation was, 'It's Tommy' and I had to once again flee the room, I just can't help it, I fight it but it's just to much. Just writing this has taken me so long I'm going to have to back date it. Some of you have asked me to write more posts about my adventures with Tommy and I would love too but every time I start one I just go to pieces. I will keep trying though as I want to write it all down for my own benefit.
Tommy wearing his Christmas cracker paper hat,